NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOUR

We all have a running commentary in our brain. We also have an internal dialogue where we have a conversation with ourselves. This is quite normal, and for the most part we may be totally unaware that it is happening. However, when faced with a situation we do have a conversation with ourselves. Depending on what has happened in the past will often provide us with how we deal with the situation. This can be both positive AND negative.

You may be amazed at how much our memory retains, we may not always remember everything. And even what we do remember may be influenced by a number of elements. As a child we may remeber situations, conversations compleatly differently to an adult. Even as an adult we will have a different memory of an event expereinced by another. Police find it quite common when they have a number of people who watched a crime and each individual states a varring number of recolections. This is because we all see things differently, as if we are looking at an event through filters. Just because the wittnesses of a crime say different things does not mean they are all lying.

As a child growing up we store an unending supply of words, situations, feelings etc. As a child we often internalise what our parents say to us, for example if you hear 'you are stupid' 'you won't amount to anything' etc etc, you will believe these views. Therefore even as an adult if a promotion comes available, you would have to challenge the long held believefs that you are stupid etc. There is a saying 'Give me a boy until he is 7 and I will give you the man'. This is often correct, in psychological terms its 'the self fulfilling prophecy'. This would mean that even if you were to challenge the negative thoughts of 'you are stupid' the chances are you would sabatarge yourself in another manner. This way it will 'proove' yet again that you are stupid.

The internal dialogue of 'you are stupid' is often heard as comming from the person who repeated it, such as your mother etc. It can be difficult to break negative thinking, but the only way to live ones life is to try and break the thought process. Because of the internal dialogue and the posible faulty belief system people have, can and does influence how we deal with a situation. If you do not value yourself and a friend does not phone it is quite easy to believe that they do not like you, rather than think they were busy. This does have a part to play with how easy one can find to write a list of negative comments about oneself, rather than positive. Give it a go write a list of 10 negative characteristics about yourself, and then a list of 10 positive characteristics. It is even better if you time yourself, and you have to be honest and not try and write a list that you do not believe in 100%. Most people can write the negative list within seconds, whereas the positive list takes longer and quite often 10 items cannot be named.

There are many different ways of recording thoughts and feelings, the example below is one used by my course tutors. It is very easy to do, which means it is also easy to read and learn from. All you need is an A4 sheet of paper and use the suggested headings below. Initially it may be difficult to complete each category as you do need to analyse the situation, but by breaking it down into sections it gives you the tools to see if your beliefs, feelings and therefore your behaviour needs any adjustments. It is quite normal for one to be surprised at the number of thoughts that appear to be negative. In addition, when you see it on paper it is harder to ignore.